someone threw a dead crab at me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
