i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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