It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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