Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
