I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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