Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
