Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
