Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
