So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Congratulations! We have a period
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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