i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize