Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
