I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
