so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
