So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
