I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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