Someone shit on the floor
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
