So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
