You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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