Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
