he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
