Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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