I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
