she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
