Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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