I feel great
I just peed on a car
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
