Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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