So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
sarcasm needs its own font
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
