Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
