Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
