I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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