I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
