even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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