Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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