I think my fart just growled at me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
