..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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