HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
