I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
