Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
