Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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