Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
