the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
