i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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