A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
