Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
