Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
