Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think i got beer on your cat.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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