wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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