I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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