also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
