I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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