dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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