She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
