I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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