You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
