She is in my trunk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
