I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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