So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am mentally ready for anal.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
