i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Randomize
