before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
