my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
