the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
