I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
