How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
