well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
your room smells of hookers.
And success
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
